Excerpts here ...full story and pretty funny stuff at cracked.com
The Beach .... As anyone who's ever had sex on the beach probably already knows, if you're not extremely careful you're going to discover what it feels like to exfoliate areas of your body that don't need to be exfoliated. And while even places that recommend sex on the beach will point out the sand issue with a little wink and a nudge, they rarely mention the levels of fecal bacteria often found in the sand. If you're grinding away all nude and lascivious on that sand, chances are some of it is finding its way inside your body.
The Pool ... Pool sex has the unwholesome side effect of teaching you just how shitty water is as a lubricant while at the same time delighting you with the possibility of forcing water deep into your unmentionable places, leading to infections. If you're looking to avoid chlorine with some manner of ocean scuba sex, dive researchers (such as David F. Colvard, M.D) would like you to know that when you have sex underwater you're probably apt to lose track of some important things like buoyancy, which means you could end up floating to the surface quicker then you'd planned and giving yourself an embolism. Now, we're not underwater sex doctors, like Dr. Colvard back there, but an embolism is probably a total willy wilter.
A Moving Car ... while the idea of car sex may be kind of hot *kind of ?*, when you factor in the intense insanity of being horribly distracted in a fast moving chunk of metal and flammable liquids, it loses a bit of its appeal.
Nightclubs ... You ever tried pissing while totally drunk? How's your aim? Keep that in mind, because it means every surface in that bathroom is a bacteria risk for things like e.coli, salmonella, shigella and Methicillin-resistant Staph Aureus found on pretty much any surface in a bathroom someone's hands have touched. You don't need to know what any of those diseases mean. The bottom line is, you're boning on top of the urine and poo of hundreds of strangers.
A Cab ... Aside from all the hideous and obvious downsides to cab sex, there's always the chance you'll end up on some site like taxicams.com. Cabbies have been caught in the past for having hidden cameras in the their cars to film couples in the back and, as so many girls gone wild have learned, what seems like a good idea at the time turns into an epically shitty idea in retrospect when your grandmother calls you after just getting the internet and wants to know why there's a video of you with your fingers lodged inside another human being in the back of a Yellow Cab.
A Movie Theater ... You may be surprised to learn that not all the stickiness on the floor is the result of spilled Pepsi and the vomit of children who couldn't handle the latest Pixar masterpiece. Some of it is just good old fashioned human effluence. Bacteria like bacillus cereus have been found in some theaters which is known to cause quick, sexy bouts of diarrhea. And, if you hadn't stopped to consider it, if you're humping in a theater there's a good chance someone else was too and left behind some runny evidence. So while you're motor boating your lady friend and your hand hits a patch of goo on the arm rest, don't say we didn't warn you, Mr. Mayor.
The Woods ...Though it's a debated issue, there's some evidence to suggest the stank you put off while rutting around in your tent like two sausages trying to fit in the same casing smells like a little slice of heaven to Yogi and BooBoo.
A couple were found dead in Glacier National Park back in 1980 after being attacked by a bear and it was speculated that sex is what had attracted the bear in the first place.
On a Plane ... Legality aside, since you can be arrested for such behavior, there's also the potential safety risks. Plane-sex is the only item on this list that combines the reckless risks of having sex in a car with the potential diseases of having sex in a nightclub. A twofer! The prospect of being jammed in a tiny, ripe coffin-sized-bathroom when you hit a patch of rough turbulence that results in you getting wedged somewhere that, when you really, really think about it, you don't want to be wedged can't be entirely alluring either.
On a Boat ... there's plenty of evidence (including ghetto video on ebaum's world) to support the fact that small boats don't take well to rocking and general hump-like motions and will, in fact, sink your ass if you try such things.
Feel free to add your own warnings garnered from personal experience ...
...so fun while it lasted (the memories that is!)
! Goo, I think you are trying to kill me!
THAT reply was too good to pass up, waiting for the response from
B!
